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Computer® FAQ

Q. What is a Computer®?

A. Excellent question! Essentially, a Computer® is an electro-mechanical device. It has the power of a dozen abaci, and a snotty attitude. The earliest Computers® were huge devices made of bakerlite, but modern Computers® are small enough to fit into the average two-car garage!

Q. What does a Computer® look like?

A. Computers come in a vast variety of sizes and shapes. The picture to the left shows a typical Computer®, an early model in the "Computo the Conqueror" series, which ravaged the Earth in the late 30th Century.

Q. My toaster/ bowl of cereal/ autographed photo of Suzi Quatro is working fine. Why should I upgrade it to a Computer®?

A. What a Computer® lacks in toasting power, nutrition or sentimental value to Suzi Quatro fans, it makes up in eye strain, OOS and general atrophy of your social skills. In addition, a Computer® has a download time almost 8% faster than a boiled potato and 12% faster than a vase of irises (though it is less pretty than the latter).


Q. I see. But doesn't Computer® use involve years of training?

A. No. Unlike complex devices like harmonicas or longbows, which can take years to master, Computers® are so easy to use that they're soon to become compulsory.


Q. Well I'm sold! Now how do I upgrade my crummy old potatoes to a shiny new Eniac Computer®?

A. Easy! Just click here.


This service provided free of any sense of shame by Cap'n Ben.

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